iRemember
by NaomilovesiCarly
Summary: Hi everyone! This story is a multi-chapter SEDDIE! Contains flashbacks. It's simply about the sweet, though not always that sweet romance between Sam & Freddie. Enjoy!
1. iApril 17th

_**April 17**__**th**__**, 2007.**_

"_Like I care, Benson."_

"_I just wanted to give you this for your thirteenth birthday."_

"_Yeah, I can tell! You wrote it on the stupid envelope."_

"_Come on, Sam. I'm trying to be nice."  
>"I don't need your niceness, nub, so don't try anymore!"<em>

"_What's going on in here? Sam, let Freddie in!" _

"_Ah, come on, Carly, it's my party…"_

"_Yeah, and it's my friend. Just enter, Freddie…"_

_**April 17**__**th**__**, 2011.**_

I was still holding it, in my right hand. The birthday card I wrote for her thirteenth birthday. Can't believe she kept it. I thought she hated me back then. I still remember the struggling I went through writing it. I had to say something positive. I knew a lot of options back then, even though she was my biggest enemy and I didn't knew her that long, I still knew a lot of her good qualities. I knew, for example, from the first day on that she was one hell of a funny girl. Much funnier than the girl I was in love with; Carly.

And she impressed me with her always-original insults and the dominance she ejected.

But the thing that bothered me was that I wasn't sure about writing something nice about her back then. Maybe she would punch me or insult me. I was afraid she wouldn't give me a chance to be a friend to her. So, I just wrote this;

_Sam,_

_Happy birthday,_

_Like I wrote on the envelope, I just wanted to give you something for your birthday. _

_Freddie._

Just as I was finished reading my own written words on the old birthday card I gave her, she came in. The thirteen-year-old Sam that was still plastered on my retinas, made me notice that she'd changed a lot. In a good way, of course. The seventeen-year-old Sam became a beautiful young woman.

"What are you doing in here? The party is downstairs, Fredward," she said while her eyes met mine.

"Yeah, I just needed a break. There's so much noise down there and I'm already having a real bad headache," I answered, rubbing the back of my head.

"So… now you're searching through my old stuff?" She assumed as soon as she saw the old birthday card in my hands.

"Well… I can't believe you still got this. I assumed you would have burned it or something," I chuckled.

"Nope, I did that with the one you gave me for my fourteenth birthday, remember?"

_**April 18**__**th**__**, 2008.**_

"_Sam… I warn you!"_

"_What? It's just a piece of paper, nub."_

"_Why would you wanna burn it? It's a freakin' birthday card."_

"_So?"_

"_You haven't even read it yet!"_

"_If it's like the one you gave me last year, there's nothing special on it that I want to read."_

"_I… But… Then fine. Burn it. If that makes you happy."_

"_Yeah it would. It's like seeing your face burn."_

"_I don't get it Sam. What have I ever done to you?"_

"_Nothing, nub. Giving me these stupid birthday cards…"_

"_No… Sam… You aren't gonna burn that seriously, are you? Sam? SAM!"_

_**April 17**__**th**__**, 2011.**_

"Yeah… I never told you, but I did write something special on it."

"You did?" She asked, taking one step closer to me. I could smell the perfume she was wearing now.

"Yep. I wrote down that I really considered you as a friend and stuff…"

It could have been me, but I saw the look in her eyes change a little. Like a look of regret or something. A look I didn't see that often on her face.

"Well, you can't prove it anymore, Benson. It's gone."

"Yeah it is… But how are you enjoying your party?"

"It's awesome, Freddie! You should really go down stairs. I know you like to party. Screw your headache!"

She grabbed both of my arms and shook them roughly. I couldn't help but laugh.

"I'm not in the party-animal mood right now, Sam."

I grabbed both of her hands and placed them off my shoulders.

"Well, then… do a speech or something. Like you did on my fifteenth birthday!"

_**April 17**__**th**__**, 2009. **_

"_Freddie, you're up!" Carly said after she was done with her speech to Sam._

"_Alright, I've got a few words to say about Sam…"_

"_Better watch it, Freddifer."_

"_I just wanna say… Sam… Even though you constantly cause me both physical and emotional pain, I think of you and me as really close friends."_

"_Apparently I haven't caused him enough emotional pain!"  
>"Sam, you're funny, you're cool and you're the only girl I've seen who knocked out a truck driver using only a carton of milk. So, happy birthday you crazy psychopath!" <em>

_**April 17**__**th**__**, 2011.**_

"Don't look at me like that, Sam. You know I can't handle those big puppy-eyes of yours…"

"I don't have puppy-eyes!" she cried, slapping my arm playfully.

"Oh yes, you do," I disagreed.

"Well, is it working?" she asked with a high voice, imitating a little girl.

"Yes it is, but before we join the party, I need to give you something," I tried to sound as serious as I could be. This time I really wanted her to read it. It was the most important thing I've written in my life. She never really read my birthday cards. So, I tried something new this year. A birthday letter. There wasn't enough space on a card anyway.

"Then give it to me, Fredward Benson! You're making me curious."

She made me laugh. I liked the fact that she _needed_ something from me. I liked the fact that she _wanted_ something from me. But what I liked more was that _she_ wanted me. I figured that out after two weeks of waiting after the lock-in. And I described my feelings perfectly in this letter I was giving to her right now.

"Okay, here you go."

I grabbed something out of my pocket. A simple envelop, filled with a basic A4-sheet. But it wasn't about what the envelope was filled with. In the end, it was about the A4-sheet and the words it was filled with.

I didn't try hard to decorate it or something. It wasn't meant to be fancy or decorative.

She softly picked the envelop out of my hands and opened it right away. She looked at me as she pulled the letter out of the envelope.

"Should… should I read it, like, right now?" She asked me, hardly above a whisper.

I nodded in response.

"Oh… okay."

She looked at me a little longer before she let her eyes fall on the letter in her hands. Her eyes were just made up like last year. Just a soft, natural touch of dark blue eye-shadow and strawberry lip-gloss. But it was all that she needed to look absolutely stunning. In fact, she didn't need any make-up to look beautiful…

_**April 17**__**th**__**, 2010.**_

"_So… what do you think, nub?"_

"_I think you look…"_

"_Ridiculous? Tell Carly, she picked out the stupid dress…"_

"_No! I mean… the dress is just perfect."_

"_You're just saying that because Carly picked it out for me, don't you?"_

"_No, Sam. I'm serious. You look beautiful."_

"_Oh… Well. Thanks, I guess..."_

"_You're welcome…"_

_**April 17**__**th**__**, 2011.**_

I saw her eyes glide over the words slowly. But at one of the last lines, which I knew she would read again, her eyes stuck. A line which was filled with three simple words.

I stepped a little closer to her, knowing that she must be very confused by now.

Finally, her eyes locked with mine. And like I expected, her eyes were leaking her confusion in the form of tears.

"I… You… Me?" she struggled with trying to find the right words. But her eyes and especially her tears said enough.

"Yes. You and me," I replied, not bothering to suppress the big grin that grew wider upon my face.

She began chuckling.

"Are… are you sure?" She snatched her gaze off mine and settled it on the ground.

"I'm pretty damn sure, Sam."

She looked back at me again. Just now, I noticed I stepped a few steps closer to her. Close enough to lean in and give her a soft, chaste kiss.

As I pulled back, I whispered in her ear:

"Happy birthday, love."

**Thanks for reading! Just a simple one shot I wrote this weekend.**

**I do not own iCarly! **

**_loveee_  
><strong>


	2. iNeed a map

**_May 12th, 2013._**

Okay, maybe it wasn't a very good idea to trust my sense of direction and just drive for two hundred miles without any navigation system or map within reach. Nope, there was nothing in my car except for a raging Sam…

Wasn't that great?

"Remind me to kill you once we're out of here."

She crossed her arms over her chest, and I felt her furious look burning on my right cheek. I didn't need to actually see her to tell how she was looking by now. I bet her eyes were on fire.

"I… won't forget," I mumbled, gazing to the empty road in front of me that seemed like it was never going to end.

"Do you have _any _idea where we are? Because I don't!"

"Yeah! We must be close to –"

"_Close? _Do you know what's close right now? Me from bursting out!"

"Didn't you already?" I asked with a light chuckle, which I regretted immediately.

"So you think this is funny?" she asked me with a voice so high I didn't recognize her.

"No… no I mean… No this isn't funny," I answered carefully. Maybe it was better for me to shut up now and focus on the road.

"I'll go call Carly we aren't gonna make it to her very first real performance. Yeah, we are one hell of great friends. I know she'll be disappointed. And that's all because of you, Fredward Benson! Thanks. A lot."

I just kept silent, listening to her rapid breathing. It reminded me of our very first date.

**_April 18th, 2011._**

_"You're unbelievable."_

_"What?"_

_"THIS is what you want to do on our very first date?"_

_"Yeah… What's wrong?"_

_"It's so… How can I say… cheesy, ordinary, unoriginal…"_

_"Well, I'm sorry. I thought you said you wanted to keep things simple."_

_"Well, I'm sorry. I thought you would be creative."_

_"Come on, Sam. What's up? You don't have to be nervous…"_

_"Nervous… I'm… I'm not nervous!"_

_"Then why are you breathing like that?"_

_"Like what, Benson?"_

_"Like you just ran a marathon or something."_

_"Oh shut up. The movie's starting."_

_"…"_

**_May 12th, 2013._**

I heard the bleeping of Sam's phone as she typed in Carly's number.

"_What the hell?" _She cried after a moment of silence.

"Let me guess, you can't reach her?"

"No! And that's because there's no freakin' coverage in here!"

"That sucks."

"Yeah, you genius, it does. And it's your fault!"

"Sam, instead of picking on me, you could also help me out a little."

"No thanks. You don't want my help."

"Well… I'm asking you, so practically I do."

"No, I'm completely disorientated in here. I don't even know if we're going south, north, west, whatever."

"Right."

And there was a moment of silence again. But not an awkward one. I'd rather have her this silent than her screaming at me.

We were heading to Carly's first performance as she was going to sing a solo for her colleges' band. It was a huge opportunity for her to meet very important people from the music-business. I still remember her screaming through the telephone, telling me that this was something she'd only been dreaming of. And now it was going to happen for real.

And we, as her two best friends, might not show up because I got us lost.

Man, I seriously felt the need to just bump my forehead against my steering wheel, but I didn't want to get us involved into a car accident too. So I just sighed loudly, trying to get rid of all the frustration I've been suppressing for a long time.

"Can we stop for a moment?" Sam asked in a soft voice.

"Sure," I answered, "why do you want to stop?"

"Toilet," she answered shortly and shamefacedly.

"Right."

I pulled the car over to the right side of the road. As soon as the car stopped moving, I looked at her. The anger had left her face, and I could see she was getting weary.

"You… stay here?" she asked awkwardly. I just nodded.

"I'll be right back." She hopped out of the car into the bush. And as she promised, she came back within minutes. I noticed the big grin that was plastered on her face. This moment seemed like a deja-vu.

**_April 19th, 2011._**

_"You tell them."_

_"No, you tell them."_

_"I can't wait to see their faces."_

_"Me neither. Come on, Sam. You tell them."_

_"But… what do I say?"_

_"Freddie and I are dating. Or… Freddie is incredibly, abnormally, desperately in love with me. So am I."_

_"Watch it, Freddifer! I'm not desperately in love with you!"_

_"Oh, you are."_

_"I am?"_

_I didn't need to think any longer. I gave her a kiss that needed to make clear how I felt about her. I needed to kiss her… desperately._

_"Okay, maybe I am," she admitted after our lips separated. A huge grin crept upon her face._

**_May 12th, 2013._**

"Come!" she demanded as she strongly grabbed my arm, trying to pull me out of the car. But I wouldn't give in that easily.

"Hey! What?" I chuckled.

But instead of answering, she pulled harder. So I just let myself get pulled out. As soon as I was standing on my feet, I could feel my legs were tired of sitting in the same position for a couple of hours in a row. I took a quick look upon my watch to see how long we've been driving exactly; three hours and thirty-five minutes since we left home about six. God, we could've been in Greenfall for two hours already.

Sam pulled me into the bush, and I noticed we were climbing a hill.

"Close your eyes!" she demanded steadily, but I could hear a tone of joy in her voice. So, I closed my eyes. She placed one of her hands before my eyes, just to make sure I wouldn't see a thing. Her hand was warm and smelled like lavender oil.

Once she stopped walking, she let go of my arm and my face. I opened my eyes to find out we were standing in front of a huge lake. The pink in the sky of the sun going down reflected beautifully in the large pool of black water.

"Wow," I breathed out.

"Nice, huh?" she whispered.

"I guess we're going the right way after all."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I can see Greenfall's church tower from here."

I pointed towards a little vertical figure that peeked out of the horizon.

"Huh? Am I that blind or…"

I stepped behind her. I bended my knees a little so that I could rest my head on her right shoulder. I grabbed her arm to move it to the little spire that peeked out of the skyline.

"There," I whispered softly in her right ear.

"Hmm, I can see it now… Awesome! We're not gonna miss Carly's show! We're not gonna be bad friends!" She pulled me roughly into a hug and I could feel her laugh vibrating against my body. I wish we could stay like this forever.

After a minute or so, she pulled back. Our eyes met and I could see confusion in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Freddie."

"For what?"

"All I cared about is being a good friend to Carly. But I wasn't a good friend to you. I'm sorry."

"It's fine."

"No it's not. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that. I'm gonna get you a navigation system as soon as we're home," She said as she squeezed in both of my cheeks, "Now, let's go back to the car and you drive us to our destination." She turned around to head back to the Jeep, but I grabbed her arm and spun her around so that she was facing me again.

"What?" she asked me, giggling lightly.

"I had to remind you to something."

"Oh yeah, I'm gonna kill you."

"You are?"

She nodded slowly. I noticed the playfully look in her eyes I've seen a several times before.

**_June 6th, 2011._**

_"Freddie?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"Do you remember these tickle-fight we were used to have?"_

_"You mean the fights I never won?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"So… what's up with those?"_

_"I'm afraid you'll never beat me. I bet I'm still the best at it."_

_"Oh, no, Puckett. I bet I can beat you with my eyes closed."_

_"Wanna try?"_

_"Okay… The bet is on! You better start running now."_

_"No, YOU better start running now."_

**_May 12th, 2013._**

The next thing I knew was that I started to run like crazy through the bush, hearing her laugh chasing me. I couldn't help but laugh myself.

Within a minute I felt her arms grabbing me tightly around my waist. I never won this game. She had much faster legs than me, and, to be honest, her strength wasn't easy to beat either. But the game wasn't over yet, even though we were lying on the ground and she was on top of me, holding my wrists pinched to the ground. As her laugh died out and her breath stabilized, she said this:

"Freddie, really. I can be so damn mad at you and then, a few minutes later, I'm so happy to be with you. How do you do that?"

"I don't now…" I mumbled, keeping the words I actually wanted to say in the back of my head. She nodded and weakened her grip on my pulses.

"Actually, I do," I whispered when I noticed the disappointment in her eyes.

"Then tell me, tell me how."

No. I wasn't gonna tell her. Words were too easy and couldn't explain how I felt about her anyway. So I kept silent as I wrestled myself on top of her. I watched her beauty for a moment before I dove for her lips. I thought that was a great way to answer her question.

"Do you still want to kill me?" I asked in a husky tone as our lips separated.

"No, I think I'm gonna keep you for a while."

"Good."

And with that, our lips met again.

**Hi everyone! **

**First of all, thanks for reading & thanks for the awesome reviews! It made me decide to make this a multi-chaptered story instead of a one-shot!  
><strong>

**Second of all; as you can see, this chapter contains flashbacks just like my previous chapter. These flashbacks are connected to what happened in the previous chapter. So it isn't like a story with seperate one-shots. It's like one entity, you see?**

**Please review if you have the time, and excuse me for errors that might be in this story, my english isn't perfect because I'm just a Dutch schoolgirl!**

**Oh, and I do not own iCarly. The ones who do are geniuses!**

**_Loveee_  
><strong>


	3. iLock in

**AN; Hey everyone! I'm sorry for the late update, but I'm already working on the next chapter, and it's the best so far and the longest so far. I think it will be up next week but I'm not sure... This chapter is about the lock-in, and about Sam's feelings during everything that happened that night. Enjoy, and please stay tuned, 'cause you really don't want to miss the next chapter! **

* * *

><p><strong>April third, 2011, 21.20.<strong>

I wasn't quite sure when it happened. Or why. At this moment, I wasn't sure at all.

It was his fault. I couldn't help the fact that he had gotten cuter over the years. I mean, look at him. Look at him standing there, behind his laptop, mumbling something about his new MoodFace App, his fingers running up and down his keyboard. He reminded me of the little nerdy Freddie, the boy I was used to find the biggest nub on earth. He kind of was, but since he knew Carly and me he changed a little. He became looser about everything, and it made him the cute, sweet, caring person I knew now. And beyond his great inner progress, I had to say I didn't mind his physical development either. His face became more mature, his jawline formed into straighter lines, not to mention the immense amount of muscles he added to his body by working out. He used the gym as a refuge from home and his overprotective mom, but I thought he really enjoyed the attention he got from girls now, checking him out.

Wait? What? What the _hell _was I thinking?

I'm _Sam Puckett._

Even though I didn't feel like her anymore. Everyone knew that Sam Puckett hated Freddie. Well, _hated…_ It's a big word. The hating we were used to do was another kind of hating; it had another kind of meaning. It was the kind of hating we'd done after both of us kissed for the first time...

It's the hating I pretended to do because it was a safe way to hide my feelings. It was a safe way to make me forget those feelings, to put them away. Faraway. But I was done hiding. Actually, I was done a long time ago. I was getting easier on Fredweird. Knowingly or unknowingly, it hardly mattered.

**February 20th, 2011**

_"Sam?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"You just called me 'Freddie'"_

_"Is that weird? It's normal to call someone by it's name, dumbass."_

_"Good. That's how I know you."_

_"What? What's that stupid grin doing on your face?"_

_"Nothing."_

**March 14th, 2011.**

_"Sam?"_

_"What's up Freddo?"_

_"Who's the lucky guy?"_

_"Huh?"_

_"Who's your new fall-guy?"_

_"What?"_

_"You haven't beaten me up for, like, two weeks."_

_"Do you want me to?"_

_"No."_

_"Then shut up."_

_"…"_

**April third, 2011. 22.15.**

_"Okay, what's up with you?"_

_"What do you mean?"_

_"You've been nice and helpful and considerate ALL DAY!"_

_"…"_

_"What's your game?"_

_"No game? Why don't we get on with the project..."_

_"Okay…"_

_"Okay?"_

_"Okay."_

_"Okay."_

**April third, 2011, 21.20.**

And there I was. Staring into the camera of a stupid PearPad. My mind went completely blank. Well… almost blank. My mind was colored in a color called Freddie. And as much as I wanted it to go away, it just stayed. I really felt the need to just beat myself up, a thing I was used to do to people I found stupid. And I couldn't imagine a person being more stupid than I was at the moment.

Yeah…. I could say I was experiencing some kind of identical crisis. The boy really changed me. Or did he change? Or… did someone just flipped a switch in my head that made me realize that the 'hating' I did just didn't work out? Because I really didn't feel the need to get his attention in _that_ way anymore. I was _so_ freakin' tired of it.

The boy finally spoke.

"Get ahead and report… Alright?" Freddie asked in a low tone, eying Brad shortly.

Brad nodded as he steadied the camera on his shoulder. "Rolling."

Then, Freddie's eyes finally lifted up, meeting mine immediately. I felt myself burn inside, but succeeded in keeping the superficial and straight look upon my face.

"Okay, this is Freddie Benson proceeding with test number three of application MoodFace. Subject; Sam Puckett."

God, I loved his techy-talk. Well… I just loved the way he spoke right then. So steadily, yet so vulnerable. He was probably expecting me to throw some nasty words at him, but I kept silent.

**March 28th, 2011.**

_"Sam?"_

_"Huh?"_

_"I'm talking techy."_

_"So?"_

_"You should insult me or something. Like you always do."_

_"Okay… nerd. Happy now?"_

_"Wait… It's not that I want you to."_

_"Then what's your point?"_

_"Oh forget it."_

_"Fine. Nerd."_

**April third, 2011, 22.22.**

"Alright Sam, just stare at the PearPad straight on and keep your head still."

I plastered a little smile upon my face as I popped both of my thumbs up.

Then there was a short silence. I just stared into the PearPad, just like the Fredweiner instructed me. I kind of was curious what would roll out of this test. Probably something like 'hungry.'

And then the boy looked as shocked as hell. To break the weird tension that hung in the air, I asked:

"Can I move now?"

His fingers were literally racing over his keyboard. After a moment, he looked up at me, and I could swear there was a look on his face that could only be described as bewildered. Freakishly bewildered.

"Uh… yeah," he answered in a soft tone.

"So, what's her mood?" Brad asked as I got out of the chair.

"Uh… It's uh…. It's inconclusive," Freddie answered, though he didn't sound that convincing. There clearly was something weird going on… Momma could feel it.

And suddenly, the boy was gone. He ran out of the door, leaving the weird look plastered on his face…

**April third, 2011, 23.30**

Man, seriously, what was her problem? How many times did I have to tell her I didn't love Brad? Yeah, I loved his fudge, but not the boy who made it. No offence…

And I almost forgot about what she had arranged earlier this day. The stupid attempt to get me and Brad alone, assuming that it would help me to express my "feelings" towards him. I loved her as a best friend, but I didn't feel like I could tell her everything I should tell her, being her best friend.

I don't really know why I couldn't tell her. Believe me, I tried, but something in my head stopped me. Does that make me a bad friend? Does that make me a wimp? Yes it does. I'm a stupid wimp who's too scared to tell her very best friend who she really loved.

**April third, 2011, 23.24**

_"Don't you want a nice boyfriend? _

_Then go for it! _

_Make a move!_

_ I just want you to be happy…"_

_"Then bake me a pie…"_

**April third, 2011, 23.31**

Okay, I couldn't blame her for arguing with me a few minutes ago. She knew me better than I did. She must have seen me change, and I could understand her freaking out about me denying that. But really, _Brad_? Though I couldn't blame her for thinking that either. Brad's a much more likely lover than my personal punching bag.

Speaking about the devil…

"Yo yo."

"Did Carly send you to find me?"

"Nope."

"So you don't know we had a little argument…"

"She told me about your _little argument," _he said while pulling one of his eyebrows up, "But she didn't tell me to come find you."

Weird, but I kind of was surprised by that. So, the boy came here for me? Just for me?

"Good," I breathed out, rolling my eyes, just to make sure that he wouldn't take it too literally.

"But Carly's right."

There it was. Carly. It's always Carly. I knew she was behind this. God…

"Argh!" I groaned, already getting tired of this stupid conversation.

"Groan all you want," he said steadily. What was his point anyway?

"I don't care what your stupid PearPad sais about me being in love. I'm not into Brad like that!" I made sure what felt for the hundredth time today.

He sighed loudly in response, and took a few steps closer to me.

"Lately, everytime I tell you Brad and I are doing something together, you wanna come hang with us."

"And that means I'm in love with him?" I tried to ask as annoyed as possible. I just wanted him to go away now. He was getting too close. Too close to the truth.

"Well, you hate me!" he cried in utter frustration.

"I never said I hate you," I mumbled, though I knew it didn't sound that convincing.

"Yeah, you have! Like nine hundred times! I still have the birthday card you gave me that sais; 'Happy Birthday, I hate you_. Hate_ Sam!'"

Okay, he was right at that point. I did gave him that birthday card, and it wasn't the only time I said I hated him. There was one moment I liked to remember the most.

**January 5th, 2009.**

_"Hey… I hate you."_

_"Hate you too."_

**April third, 2011, 23.32**

I couldn't find any more words to say. He just had to leave. He had no freakin' idea about what he was talking. He had to leave this place, this moment, my life. It just hurt to have him this close to finding out about my feelings towards him. Knowing that there was now way he could feel the same way about me too.

I just ruined it. Us. He didn't like me and I had to live with that.

"Just leave!" I yelled, hoping he would understand the message.

"Fine, I'll leave," he responded, imitating my tone.

"Bye!"

"But before I go –" Oh God no. He was going to be nice. He was gonna give me some sweet words. No. He shouldn't do that. He should get the hell out of here, before things were getting worse.

"That's it! Get out of here before I do a double fist dance on your face!" I took a few steps closer to him and tried to be as threatening as I could be, hoping the boy would run away just like he did in our younger years. But instead of doing that, he steadied himself on his feet and looked me right in the eye.

And I melted.

"You can threaten your double fist face dancing all you want. But Carly's still right…"

Here it comes. The strong expression on his face changed into a softer one.

"Look, I know it's scary for you to put your feelings out there. 'Cause you never know if the person you like is gonna like you back. Everyone feels that way! But you never know-"

It just happened. I pressed my lips against his. Don't ask me how or why. But his words dug a way through my heart.

Despite everything, despite my mean words he was standing there, talking to me about _that. _About love. A word most people couldn't relate to my name, but I think I needed it the most. From him. Frednerd. Fredweiner. Freddumb, Frednub; a.k.a Freddie Benson. My secret love. Well, _secret_… It wasn't very secret anymore.

He didn't pull back. But he didn't kissed back either. But before I had the time to think about that, I pulled back. This wasn't right. He didn't love me.

I was scared to face him. What did he think about me right now? Will he be mad? I mean, come on… Me, Sam Puckett? Kissing him? It even sounded weird in my own head, not to mention his.

Our eyes met and I'd never felt more embarrassed than at that moment. What had I done? I needed to get home. Eat some ham... Just something to chew on, because my nerves were getting too high for me to take. God, let him speak.

"I… I…" he sputtered, but no valuable words came out of his mouth.

"Sorry," I whispered, still feeling so damn stupid.

"It's cool," he answered.

"I… I should probably –"

"Go? I mean, yeah, we should…"

"Brad's waiting so…"

"Yeah."

He turned around and walked back to the door. I watched him leave as my vision got blurry and fresh tears made their way down my cheeks.

Not until now I realized what I'd done. Freddie and I would never be the same again. Maybe I ruined our friendship. Maybe I ruined it all…

**April first, 2011.**

_"Sam?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"…"_

_"What?"_

_"Nah, forget it."_

_"No! Tell me."_

_"Alright. Don't punch me…"_

_"Okay…"_

_"I don't really hate you, you know."_

_"I don't really hate you either."_

_"Good."_

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks for reading! Don't mind my (bad) english, I know it's not perfect :) Like I already said, next chapter will be the best of all, so stay tuned!<strong>

**Oh and for the readers that also might have read my first Fanfiction iLost it, well... I'm really stuck in that one, but there's already some kind of end so... I'm really focused on this one though, and I personally think this one is waaaay better ;)**

**Oh and I do not own iCarly. **

_**Loveeee!**  
><em>


	4. iFight

**Hiiii everyone! Sorry for the late update, I had some problems with FF.. I lost the second half of this chapter, so I had to write the second half again ;( Buttt here it is, though I have to say this chapter is a little bit more complicated than the chapters before, some more drama less comedy! It's acctually about the love - hate relationship that Freddie and Sam've been sharing as long as they've known eachother, but it changes as things get messed up after Sam exposed her feelings after she kissed Freddie at the lock-in. The end connects to the very first chapter, so if you want a fluffy and romantic end - see first chapter iApril 17th haha ;)**

**Wow enough introduction - enjoy!  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>iFight.<strong>

**April 5th, 2011, 16.30.**

"I thought we were friends, Sam. I mean, we're so much closer now than we were before… I just thought things had changed, between us, Sam."

"Well, think again Fredward! You're such a blind chicken. You're so damn lame, thinking that there's a possibility Carly would fall in love with you, or any other girl for that matter…"

"Say that… one more time."

Freddie took one step closer to Sam, his eyes were filled with fire.

"Oh, come one, Benson! Take a proper lesson in threatening before you try it."

She patted his shoulders gently, not bothering to hold back a destructive smile.

She could see the fierce look that had been in his eyes for almost their whole fight break into thousands of pieces. Did she'd gone too far? It was his fault anyway. He was the main cause of her frustration right now.

She didn't mean to hurt him, though. She didn't _want_ to hurt him. But it was de game they've been playing for, like, forever. She didn't know any better. Freddie was the pillow she needed to stump in if her frustrations got her too high. He was the reason for her frustrations anyway, so she didn't feel bad about it. In fact, she had never _really_ hurt him. Yeah, physically maybe, but not emotionally. Not directly. She only insulted him with just random things she knew he wouldn't _really_ mind. She was sure he was well aware of the game they were playing, which he had admitted to her for a several times.

But she had never seen him this broken. Had she gone too far? Did she cross the line?

She didn't need to answer those questions anymore. He already did.

"I'm done," was all he said. His head dropped, so that he was facing his white converses now, "I'm so done."

"Done with what? With trying to say something _not _useless?"

"Done with you, Sam."

And with that, he turned around, heading to the front door of the Shay's apartment. All he cared about was getting out of there as soon as possible. He passed by Spencer and Gibby on his way, who were throwing weird faces to each other and especially to him but he didn't care.

After he aggressively yanked open the front door of the Shay's, he faced Carly in front of him. Freddie assumed that she was about to open the door as soon as he noticed the keys in her left hand.

He tried to look as natural as possible, because he really didn't feel like explaining his mood right now. And he already knew which side Carly would be on. Sam's side.

But he figured that the anger didn't abandon his eyes yet. He was just too furious right now.

"Wow, Freddie, why you're in a hurry?"

"I'm… I'm not in a hurry."

"Well, you yanked that door open like there would be a jackpot behind it. I'm sorry, it's just me."

"No… no that's not it. I just have to… get out of here, okay?"

His anger influenced his words. It made him sound annoyed.

"Eh, Freddie? Is everything all right? Did I do something wrong?" Carly asked uncertainly.

God, the last thing that Freddie wanted her to think is that she was the reason of his bad mood.

"No! I mean… I have to tell you something, Carls," Freddie said as non-annoyed as he could sound at the moment.

She raised one of her eyebrows, not responding but waiting for what he had to tell her.

"I can't stand Sam any longer. I don't want to do iCarly anymore as long as she's in it."

Freddie couldn't believe his own words. They sounded so foreign to him. The fact that he was quitting iCarly left him a bad taste in his mouth. It had become a part of him, and he just ripped it off.

Shouldn't he be relieved by now? Relieved for the fact that he was redeemed from the last thing that connected him to Sam; iCarly?

"You're not going to like it, but I quit iCarly. I can't do it anymore. I'm sure Brad will do a great job replacing me."

"_What_? Come on Freddie, you're not serious are you? Have you two been fighting again?" It sounded like she didn't believe Freddie's words. The words he said didn't have their trustable value anymore. He had been threatening with them for at least a dozen times.

But that didn't mean Carly wasn't afraid. She knew he had his limits and she feared it would be exceeded one day. And she could tell out of the look in his eyes he wasn't bluffing this time. And the one thing that stopped him from quitting in the past was his love for her, Carly. But now that he didn't love her anymore, there was no way of persuading him to get on with iCarly.

Freddie didn't answer any of her questions and left to his own apartment a few feet away from hers.

She kept staring at the door, which Freddie just closed with a loud BOOM. She waited for him to come back and to take back his words, but he didn't.

_He's gonna stop._

Carly couldn't help the fresh tears that were stinging in the corners of her eyes, about to find their way down her cheeks.

He was going to stop and there was nothing she could do about it…

**April 5th, 2011, 16.45.**

"SAM! Answer me! What did you say to him?"

Carly sounded like she wasn't going to let Sam leave until she got what she wanted; the truth. And Sam was very aware of that, so she decided not to suppress it any longer.

"Just… you know. Some stuff… he didn't like apparently..."

_Stuff he didn't like? _Carly thought, repeating her best friends words that were supposed to be reflecting the truth.

"Sam!" Carly called her name again, but she made it very clear she didn't want to warn her again.

"Okay… Chill, Carls… We were fighting about, well, about you."

"About me?"

"Yeah, I told him that he was lying if he would say he didn't love you anymore…"

"But he told me that a long time ago. He told me he didn't love me anymore."

"And you believe that?"

"Yes! But what was it that you said that made him this furious?"

"I… Does it really matter, Carly? It's just a nub…"

"Yes it does matter! Not only for me, but also for you. If you going to continue like this, you're gonna lose him, Sam."

"Like I care."

"Yes, you do. You care the most. You love him."

"What? I don't. Can't you just forget about the lock-in? It was just a stupid mistake."

"Well, let me tell you this. If you are gonna continue like this, you'll not only lose Freddie but you'll also lose me."

**April 5th, 2011, 20.00**

Freddie turned on his laptop. The show would start in about two minutes. It felt weird to be home at the moment, Freddie thought. Normally, he would be there, at Shay's, checking his checklist for the last time before the count down.

He missed her already. And he felt so damn stupid about it. How could you possibly miss a jerk like her?

Well, there was only one answer for that. A very simple one.

He loved her. He loved her like crazy.

But he couldn't pander to those feelings. Every guy that loved a jerk like her should be in a madhouse. He couldn't love her, not after all she'd done to his heart.

First, she dragged it through heaven, kissing him, and then she dragged it through the mud, insulting him with words that came right from the devil herself.

What was her problem anyway? What did she want from him? Was this her way of expressing her feelings? Or was this her way of suppressing them?

One thing was for sure; she was one hell of a girl. One hell, literally.

He counted down in his head, knowing that the show was going to air in 5, 4, 3, 2…

Wait, nothing happened… _Maybe Brad timed the AV-system for a few seconds later. Then the timer should start now, in 5, 4, 3, 2... _Freddie took a quick look upon his watch.

It was the right time. The show should've been aired already.

_Whatever, _he thought, _I don't care anyway._

**April 6th, 2011, 12.30**

"Hi."

"Hi."

"Can we… Talk?"

"Sure."

They were standing in front of their lockers.

"Have you seen iCarly yesterday?"

"Nope."

"Well, that's because we didn't air at all."

"Is that because you guys feel sorry for me? Because you don't have to, you know."

"No, that's not it."

"Then it's because the show needs a tech-geek like me to get aired."

"You're way more than just a tech-geek, Freddie, and you know that. Don't make me speech about how great you are because I really don't have the time for that right now."

"Then what's the reason iCarly didn't air yesterday?"

"…"

"Carly?"

"iCarly needs you, Freddie. You just… we miss you. There's no iCarly without you."

"There could be. Besides, who's 'we', because I don't think Sam's missing me in any way."

"Me, Gibby, Brad… Sam."

"Yeah, right… Sam."

"She misses you, Freddie. Just like you miss her."

"I don't miss her!"

"Just come back."

"No, like I said, I'll only come back under one condition; no Sam."

"But, she's a vital part of the show, just like you are, Freddie. We can't do it without any of you two being there."

"I'm not gonna go back, Carly. Do you finally get that, or should I spell it out for you?"

"Come on, Freddie. I don't know you like that."

"Like what?"

"Like… like this selfish!"

"_Selfish? Me?_"

"Yeah, you! We all love to do iCarly, and now we can't because you're too afraid to face Sam!"

"I'm not afraid to face Sam! And you _can _continue the show. Brad's got all the tech-skills iCarly needs."

"Then prove it."

"Prove what? Brad really is an amazing technician, you should ask Dave –"

"No, Freddie, prove that you _can_ face Sam."

**April 4th (day after the lock – in), 2011, 18.15.**

"_We should talk about it, Sam."_

"_So… I'd like to do some 'What's Gibby Thinking About' assignment for next week, but –"_

"_Can't we just talk about the kiss?"_

"…"

"_Sorry, but I can't get it off my mind and I can't help but thinking about it whenever I see you… Which is kind of disturbing 'cause I see you every day."_

"_Okay. I'm done with you keep asking about it, so I'm just doing this to get it over with, all right?"_

"_Okay."_

"_I… I'm… kind of… You know what I want to say! You know how I feel."_

"_I'm not sure. That's why I'm asking you, Sam."_

"_You're not sure? Well, I'm not sure either. I'm not sure why I kissed you. You're such a dumbass. And you're –"_

"_Okay, stop it, Sam."_

"_No! I've been an idiot, okay? Just… please forget about this whole kiss – thing…"_

"_How can I forget about –"_

"_It was a mistake, alright? It shouldn't have happened. I'm sorry, Freddie, I want you to leave now."_

"_Okay then_... _Fine, I'll leave."_

"_Good."_

**April 13th, 2011, 13.10**

There he was; lying on his bed, staring to the sealing. Hoping that the answers to all his questions about her would just… pop in his head or something. Because he couldn't take it anymore.

The only thing he was sure of was the fact that he missed her so, so freakishly much. He missed their… relationship. What was it what they shared, really? A friendship, an enmity, love perhaps?

She was taking over his whole life and she wasn't being very easy on him. In fact; she was making him so damn crazy, mad, sad, confused and all at the same time. She was turning him into a whole other person. And not a better one.

Freddie decided that it would be better for him to just forget about Sam and their friendship… Or whatever they shared together.

If Sam was playing a game on him, he would play his game on her. What she'd said to him hurt him really bad, and he wouldn't let her just slip away with that.

Freddie took a deep breath before a loud sigh escaped from his mouth.

_My decision is right, _he thought, _don't ever question it again, Benson._

He sat up, about to leave to the Shay's apartment when his phone began vibrating in his left pocket.

"Carly? I was just going to your place."  
>"Yeah, well, Sam's here."<p>

"But… I've the right to be there today. Every Thursday, right? She has all the other days to be with you. Why today? Why on _my_ day?"

"She needs me right now, Freddie."

"Why does she need you?"  
>"Because I'm her best friend and she's in trouble now."<p>

"Trouble?"

"Yes."

"What kind of trouble?"

"Why do you care? You don't want to have anything to do with her anyway, so why are you asking?"

"Just… I don't know…"

"Freddie, is it okay with you if we hang out tomorrow?"

"Yeah… fine."

"Okay bye!"

Freddie held on to his phone for a couple more minutes, though the line between him and Carly was dead.

Sam… In trouble?

He wasn't sure why but it really bothered him. Had her troubles anything to do with him? Was he the cause of it?

_No, Benson, _he thought, _if anyone is the cause of our fight, it's her, Sam Puckett. She made a mess of all this. Not me._

And with that thought, he picked up his jacket and left his apartment and Bushwell Plaza, though he wasn't sure where he was going. All he cared about was leaving this place, leave the place that's supposed to be his home but what felt like a prison right now.

**April 14th, 2011**

"Hi, come in."

Carly's face didn't match her enthusiastic tone at all. In fact, she appeared to be somewhat annoyed about his presence.

"Wow. Did I do anything wrong already?" Freddie asked in a offended tone as he stepped into the Shay's apartment.  
>"Sit down." Carly commended calmly and Freddie and obeyed her command immediately.<p>

"We need to talk." Her voice sounded really serious and Freddie knew about what, or in this case whom she wanted to talk about.

"Is it about Sam? Because I'm here to hang out with you and forget about all the chiz that's going on lately."

"Yes. It's about Sam. And it's been almost two weeks now since you two started fighting."

"So?"

"Congratulations, you made your statement. She's feeling it."

"Feeling what?"

"She's feeling what you wanted her to feel, Freddie. She doesn't want me to say so, but she misses you. And you're being way to hard on her. And it just seems that you don't care about us anymore! About our friendship. About what we were used to have. About iCarly. It's all fine with you now."

"It's not. I want us to be just like we were used to be, but Sam crossed a line, Carly, and she's driving me crazy. I have no idea what she wants from me and I can't take that any longer."

"Do you care about her?" Her strong voice from before turned into a small, almost whispering one.

"Of course I do! That's why I'm this upset, Carly. One day, she kisses me and the other one she's trowing some quite painful words to me. I'm not into that, I'm sorry."

"She still thinks you're in love with me, that's why she became that upset when you two talked about… you know… what we had before."

"But… She knows that I'm over you!"

"Yeah, she knows you said so, but she thinks you lied about that."

"Why would I?"

"Freddie, you miss her, don't you."

"I… I don't know. I guess I do…"

"Then tell her you do. Face her."

**April 15th, 2011, 21.50**

Okay… why was he this nervous about such a stupid thing as telling someone you missed her, even though he also hated her?

Maybe he shouldn't tell her that last part. Just the first part; he missed her. Not only the loving him Sam, but also the Sam that always knew how to insult him. Just… Sam. The whole package.

He wanted to make things up between them before she would turn seventeen in just two days.

The door opened and the girl he came for was standing right behind it.

"What are you doing here?" she asked harshly, but Freddie didn't expect anything else from her.

"I miss you," he said like he didn't hear her obvious 'why don't you just leave?' – tone before.

He caught her totally of guard and even made her speechless, which was quite an achievement.

"I miss you," he repeated, taking one step closer to her. And one step closer to a weird feeling in his stomach, which some people would define as butterflies fluttering around.

It wasn't the first time he experienced that feeling, it just felt so foreign to him since he hadn't felt it for a two weeks or so.

But he still needed some more time to decide whether he really loved her and wanted to share a serious relationship with her or just be friends.

But for now, he wanted her to know that he's just simply not able to live without her. Though living with her is impossible too sometimes, but that's just her. And he loved her just the way she was.

Sam kept silent, and it almost looked like she was holding her breath, keeping in the words she wanted to say so badly.

"I really want you to come to my birthday, Fredweiner. How would you like to come, next Saturday?"

"I would love that."

"Great."

Freddie nodded and knew it was better for him to leave now, because it seemed like Sam hadn't anything to say to him any more.

As he turned around and walked back to his car, Sam called his name.

"Hey, Freddie! I hate you!"

Freddie couldn't stop the big grin that grew wider upon his face. The sparkles in her eyes made the weird feeling in his stomach going stronger.

"Hate you too," he hollered right before he got in his car.

"I hate you too," he whispered again as he turned on his radio and ironically enough, it played 'With or Without You' from U2.

_I can't live with or without you._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Disclaimer; I do not own iCarly! <strong>_

_**Thanks for reading! I decided to do the best chapter that I was planning to update before this one, a little bit later. Just to keep it interesting haha. **_

_**Review if you like ;)**_

_**Oh and excuse me for my english, still working on it! But writing in english and reading it really helped me out. My last grade for english this year was really good, so thank you FanFiction!**_

_**Considering the fact that it's summer holliday in Holland now (YEAH!) I think I'll be a lot faster if it comes to updating, but I'm not sure (:**_

_**See you next time!**_

_**BYE DEAR READERS!**_

_**xoxo**_


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